A Love Letter (I never imagined I’d create one)
The gift God has given to me. Only for me, I wish.
Falling in love is not the first thing I could think about. Never in my life once I imagined myself sitting for a moment, writing a love letter for someone I adore — or I love.
Growing up as an older daughter with three siblings, I often held back some feelings that perhaps should’ve been released. I was taught to always put my younger siblings first before myself, and I naturally love that. But in the end, it puts me to feel as if I only have a narrow space to express my own feelings.
I don’t mind; I think I could find another way to embrace myself. It’s just a matter of time, but again, I barely found the right time.
But it’s okay, I can handle it. I used to bear with it.
Little did I know that kind of habits encouraged me to become a person who’s more easily get insecure over anything — both physically and mentally. It’s pretty hard for me to think that I am enough, and I can give enough to others.
I couldn’t see myself being loved by anyone else, especially being loved as who I am. I always deny it when someone complimented me or express their admiration for me. Isn’t loving me just a waste of time? Like, if I can’t meet their expectations, wouldn’t it better to not to go far at the first place?
Beside that unpleasant feeling, I also define love as a sacred emotion. Love is a gift, a bless you shouldn’t play around with. Must be fully careful in maintaining people’s hearts. Hopeless romantic, people said.
That’s why, I keep distancing myself from a thing called relationship. I don’t want to start it. I don’t even let myself fall into it. Every time I had the chance, the river is blocked. Either who’s coming is not the right person, or I myself just suck at people, and I don’t think I can do well. It happened many times.
I take it as a fifty-fifty. There’s a minus there’s a plus.
Until one day, everything has changed.
I casually met one specific guy, not a very tall one. But still, he has more inches taller than me. His semi curly dark hair looks cute on him.
Our sudden encounter happened a half year ago. Initially, I had no intention even for befriend him. It’s because his appearance, his not-too-much speak, told me enough to expect a very small chance of catching up with him.
But then, surprisingly, he ran into me first… for saying hello. I really didn’t expect that coming.
I never thought I would meet someone like him, or even to love him, but then I am.
I love his smile. It’s sweet as warmth and joy suddenly wrapped around me. He smiles with his lips and eyes, and it added his sweetness.
I love his eyes. I love his brown-ish pupils. To be honest, I didn’t dare to look him in the eye because most of the time he would’ve looked at me first. But I love to steal glances at him every time I could. I love the pure and genuine looks that shines in his eyes.
I love when he talks. I could hear him all day, even though over time it feels like 24 wasn’t enough. I love his stories, the way he talks, the way he responds to every little thing. He is so precious.
I love his brain. He is clever, a wise grown man who’s very good at questions and answers. He is flexible, has the ability to read the room and observes the circumstances easily wherever he goes.
He loves to work. Even though I was sometimes ignored by his sort of workaholic behavior, he will reach me at the end of the day, letting me know his whole day and asking how my day was going.
I love his jokes. To be honest again, he didn’t that funny. But I love how he just convinced himself to open up everything that was on his mind and share it with me.
I love him. Others might see it’s nothing, but I was completely awed by his everything.
As the days passing by, we got to know into each other better. Then there’s the crazy part I’ve always wondered how it works.
We were surprised that we are so similar in many aspects.
Like, we are into the same interests. We have the same patterns in thinking. Our personalities are very akin. Both of our family backgrounds are similar. We have the same way of adoring how every little thing goes by. He concerns things that I exactly worried about. We love cats. Animals. Even when it comes to habits, foods, drinks and activities, everything are alike.
Plus, plus point, we define love in the same meaning.
And many more again, turns out we feel connected, feeling the boost created by every similar and familiar thing we got from each other.
It’s like meeting an old friend or even a childhood friend — or even wilder; another version of myself. We recognized each other easily. But the fact that I just know him a few months ago made it feels more amazing. Or have I ever met him before?
Oh! I recalled the time once I pray to God — not in a very serious tone, but thanks, God — if there’s someone similar with me, with my personality, please let me get into him or vice versa. I will gladly welcome him into my life. I believe I will get along better with someone like me, so I can have a friend who feels the same way about everything, then we can find comfort in each other.
It happens. And he’s even more than who I wish someone could be.
Thanks God, by loving him, I can learn to love myself better.
It feels great to have someone you can trust and believe in you as much as you do. He’s now a safe haven and reliable person for me. I feel loved, and I can finally fully express my emotions with him. Love, joy, anger, sadness, everything. Likewise, he told me the same. I am very, very grateful.
I hope whatever God’s never-ending incredible stories lead us to His beautiful fate and destiny. Amin.
